Sandee (White) Stoltz

sstoltz48@msn.com


October 2, 2000HOWDY!!!  I got a call from my sister, Cathee, last night about this website and Mark and you trying to contact each other.  I did think I had lost this part of my life and all of those left there in the farm house in Perugia!!!  What a surprize to find that this was not a dream!... I am now working [in the human resources field].  I am [busy] and this is a pleasant distraction.

I have three grown kids, two girls and one boy and they are great people in themselves.  They have not only driven me "crazy" at times, but have filled my life with the greatest joys.  I am living in the "wilderness" of the "last best place" in the mountains of Montana.  I have gone by the Grand Tetons in Wyoming and think of Deidre Rainer.  She said that was where she was headed as soon as she got back to the good ole USA.  I live with my bestest of friends who lets me keep my horses on his property.  I have a deep love for these wonderful critters.  (This is another story.)

Gosh!  I'm 51 years old and I can't believe how much time has gone by!!! I saw Mark's photo in a suit - a professor!  My, how we've grown-up!!!  I am still riding horses and am trying dressage with my three year old quarter horse and my friend, Dave's, Morgan three year old.  They are both newly broken to ride and I am having a great time with them - riding them as much as my 51 year old body will let me!!!  I am very excited about this project you and Mark have taken on.  Are you writing a book?  I would like to participate in some way - i.e. writing stories, typing, artwork-I still draw and have some old drawings that my kids found of Monte Capanno.  I am not too good at websites, but my daughter in Glens Falls, NY has a business doing websites for people.  I had a very different perspective of living in Perugia since at least 2 to 3 months was spent in the bed in that cold stone room.  I felt I missed a lot, but had some profound experiences on another level.  Keep in touch!   love, Sandee (White) Stoltz

October 13, 2000: ... I still belong to the Monte Capanno aspect of anarchy! - joke.  I have not had time into this webpage where all my statements are shared.  I don't mind sharing anything.  I am not really so shy as much as the fact that I don't know how to send photos on the internet; or art work or items I don't type in.  What I wanted to say about the wheat fields is that we were extatic about running through the wheat field at Monte Capanno just before we all left.  The poppies were as tall if not taller than we were!  I was the must uncontrollable urge we all had at that moment!  I don't know about anyone else, but I was in sheer bliss doing this.  The next day I looked out at the wheat field to see if it held the same magic and what I saw was devastating to me.  We had destroyed their crop of wheat for their animals and people!!!  I now know the gravity of this situation because I depend upon these lovely wheat fields for my horses' sustenance.

About plucking chickens, I believe I wrote Mark about this in detail and I also wrote an e-mail to my sister Cathee about this in detail.  I will get back to you on this when I can squeeze in time at work next week.  Okay!!!

love, Sandee

November 27, 2000: Hi!   I am trying out 700 hours of free AOL and have spent all day on AOL!  I  had a friend come up from work to find out why my computer would not take the free BlueLight.com internet service.  For some reason, my dial up networking  needs to be updated from an internet site and I need new drivers - so while I  am waiting for this to happen, I signed up for approximately 30 days on AOL and am trying to figure out how to use this system.  So, in short (pun), I  will have a new e-mail address for about 30 days:  www.sandeestoltz@aol.com  If you try this and it doesn't work, you can call me at ... home (406) 494-2275.  My "life partner" is David who I believe  answered a call one evening that I had to work late and couldn't here over the static.  He has been reading some our stuff about Monte Capanno and can't  believe I did any of this stuff! !  I have told him, but never put much emphasis on that part of my life.  I think he is intrigued about what we did!  I finally got into the "memories" part and have found so much joy reading  what we all did then!   Mark, I do remember you with the sword and "playing  in the backyard" with it!  I had an adversion to those things then and understand why now.  (that's a karmic story!)  I am sending Cathee some photos of me and the drawing I found that I did.  I'm not sure when I drew this panoramic version of the view looking out the window of Monte Capanno,  but I believe I was after the "wheat field run" just before we left.  My son  and I have gone through all my art portfolios and this is all we found.  I  was in the habit of living in the "now" and often did "housecleaning" of my  past.  some how this stopped when I had kids!!!  I know I did not bring a  camera, so I don! 't have any photos to share from Monte Capanno.  However, I  do have photos of London when Christine Kylce and I were there.  That is where I was initiated into Transcendental Meditation - a magical moment for  me.  I eventually married my TM instructor, Jared Stoltz, and two of my three children are his.  Mark, do you remember Tom Carozza who lived in the 11th  Street house in San Jose?  After I graduated from San Jose State University  with a BA in Art in 1972, I lived in Los Gatos for a short period of time and then moved to the Santa Cruz mountains with Tom.  We had a daughter, but he was not ready to be a father.  So, I had a natural birth in a little cabin in the woods in Ben Lomond, CA in 1976 to a beautiful 1/4 Italian baby girl!!! She is the one who now lives with my parents in upper state New York and  designs webpages for a newspaper company and also works for Radio Shack.  Remember, how Tom and other members of the 11th Street house put on light  shows for the rock concerts in the bay area?  My middle daughter manages a  catering service for Bill Graham Presents in Northern CA for the rock concerts.  My son was the one who introduced her to this job.  He is my  youngest at 20 years and lives in my house in town with his girl friend and  her three year old son.  I live on the "edge" of the Montana wilderness south  of Butte - next to Bureau of Land Management and Forest Service properties  with David and the horses.  Our neighbor saw the three mares chasing the  moose off his lower 10 acres one morning!   Usually, it is the other way  around!  The moose like to come to David's beaver pond and have her calfs  during calving season.  Mama moose comes every spring.  The horses stay away  from her then and keep to one side of the mountain.  The photos of Monte Capanno remind me of this place in the snow covered mountains of Butte.  I  would love to hear from you.  I usually get off work at around 5:30 PM and get home by 6:30 PM.  I was mending a pucture wound in one of my mare's rear flank near the tail bone when you (?) called one evening.  I hadn't gotten  home yet.  She's home now and mending on her own just fine.  Something must  have scared her and she backed into a tree branch.  It chipped off slivers of  her back bone.  She's back to galloping over the snow covered mountains now!   I just got her in May, and one of my first rides, she got real excited about chasing the calf out of the shoot at a full gallop from a dead stop.  I got  out of balance in the saddle and she was not used to that feeling and we were  coming up to the wire fence real fast.  I thought of how I would bale off and  she picked up on my thoughts and confirmed it! with a little rear end hop and  I went flying over her head landing on my tush!!!   I've had worse throws from a horse.  She was good enough to stop the instant I went over her head.  It took me a whole month for the pain to go away!  At 51, I think I'm doing great just to ride a green broke horse!  Way up here, the sun gets up late and goes down early, so I don't ride again til more daylight comes again.   Don't you remember watching "Hopalong Cassidy?"  We watch it every Sunday  morning!!!  Life here is sorta like that.  So, try calling me again if you  wish.  David may be tall and wears tall boots and a big hat, but he doesn't  bite!!!

November 28, 2000: Hi! Gordo!  I sent both you and Mark this stuff on Blake because it wasn't  but a few years ago that I remembered some significance to William Blake that  I missed somehow in my studies in college.  You know, as we go farther down  this path of life, it seems that we can look back with a different view.  I  am so amused by our memories both good and "bad" mostly I see all of it as  good as we have become what we are today - better people.  I somehow believe  that we all were destined to go to Perugia all together with our own version  of "John Lennon and Yoko Ono" or otherwise known as David Zack and Maija  Peeples.  This is my view of our professor and his creative wife.  He was the  disciple of William Blake and seemed to only speak of Blake with those who  knew about him.  Notice that he never requested that we read Blake nor did he  have any of his books and artworks available to the re! st of us.  At least,  that is how I remember it.  Blake is a vague word that Zack did not define to  us, but spoke of in strange stupors of religious explosions of "Zack
visions."      I never saw David Zack's (same first name as my David!!!)  drawings or poems or journals, but I always had the distinct feeling that we were the guinea pigs of his experiment in Blake's ideals of the "experience"  of life as it plays out in human instinctual actions and he (Zack) was  recording how we, as the elite upper middle class, would handle "survival" at  its base level on foreign land with common people.  I do feel that Blake was  ahead of his time in his "visions."  I am not sure of Blake's status as a  mystic, after actually being in the presence of a few in our time.  I can see  the attraction to Blake's ideas if one is torn between that of heaven and hell/ good and evil.  I see Zack as havin! g an inner torment with God and these concepts much like Blake did, but also that he saw through this to the other side of it and countered the traditional Christian views of pleasure vs. pain/love vs. fear.  Maija's obsession with "beasties" seems to me now to be a way of "taming" those inner fears.  I don't know if this is true, but I see it this way.  Maija was child-like and knowingly innocent.  She had an inner strength of sorts to wear her "beastial" art all over her body including her nylons!  Her art is childish and humorous.  But if you ever actually get to read some of Blake's poems, they seem dark and full of depression and some delusions.  Interestingly enough, we got to "experience" a little of Blake's world by living in a stone castle, a stone farmhouse that did not have plumbing, heating or electricity before we arrived.  We had to light our nights sometimes with candles, warm ourselves by sitting in the stone fireplace or huddled together in a blanket.  We were isolated and at the same time "communal."  Some of the time the dreariness got to us down deep inside.  Our individual fears expressed themselves with contention and disputes over triffles, such as food, wood, money-who had it and who didn't.  We seemed to follow the natural course of an unguided course in survival.  Something I believe Zack enjoyed.  But as a result of this course, and at the hand of our "John and Yoko," we reaped the greatest benefits that we would have never gotten otherwise.  Zack gave us what other professors could never have given us - the right to be ourselves no matter what!  He put no constrictions on us to become what we wanted to be at that time.  Our true natures came out, naked and raw before eachother without condemnation.  It was our own inner turmoils that hurt! us.  (This may be true today!)  The beauty of all of this and Monte Capanno is that we didn't know we were so liberated!!! (or maybe we did!)  I think it may be hard for some to look back.  And for some who have not yet connected to this site, it may be that they are not looking to re-connect or do not have the technology or want it.  Being here in Montana, I found Butte to be 10 years behind the rest of the country.  I kinda like this, but it took me a while to slow down to this pace.  "Butte-tainians" do not believe that they are behind the times at all.  Being mostly inbred potatoe famine Irish transplants, "we" are stuck in our version of Irish-ego time warp where your neighbor is your friend unless he comes from the land of fruit and nuts (California)!  I think I appreciate Butte, because like Perugia and other rural villages in Europe, the history  is ingrained, the roots are deep and the people are genuinely friendly.  We  stepped back in time when we went to live in Perugia.  We found an "experience" there that is/was unique.  We were not a "commune" based on a religious belief with a "prophet" as a leader of the group.  David Zack, for all we thought he lacked and for all we may have distained, pulled off an amazingly great job of taking nearly 30 students - impressionable - and allowing us to be ourselves unconditionally.  I couldn't do that raising my kids!  I had to give them my two cents here and there to "put them on the right path."  As a professor, could you take your 30 students into a situation like this?  We lived each day not knowing what the next would bring.  Nothing was ever the same.  Mind you, I was wrapped up in my own world of fears (pain) at that time.  I experienced from afar what most went through first hand.  I got to look inside from the outside. My fears kept me from taking part in many events that I am so amused by now that I was so disgusted with then.  I see the beauty in the process of growth that existed in each of these eventful incidences.  I wish now I could be there at the big bonfire and the spaghetti dance.  These are classic events!!!  I too am humbled by things that I thought at that time and things I may have said that offended someone.  I was also struggling with my inner "beasties" and wasn't  appreciative of Zack's view points or Maija's art until much later.  But I find so much irony in much of how all our lives have played themselves out.  Have you noticed that many of us married people we were with during those times?  Our kids are all about the same ages.  Many of us are "upstanding members of the community."  I look at many of the administrative staff that I support who are my age and wonder if they were like us!!!   Most people I work with and/or the "cowboys/cowgirls" I play with just can't concieve of the life and times we had in Europe.  We were given an opportunity so wonderful and so simple, like no other.  I just didn't think we were going to be "thrown into the water to sink or swim" the way David Zack did!  I didn't know we were on the "survival" TV show, did you?   Zack helped us prepare our way to the future - I found bliss in London!!!  I would not trade these experiences for anything.  Every moment was good.  I think I was living in the idea of the Tao/Zen at that time because I savored the moment and let it  go.  (This is otherwise known as bend over and let it fall out the top of  your head!)  I do however remember those delicious and wonderful brownies that started all of this off miles above the earth!!!  WOW!!! Talk about being blonde when still a brunette!!!

anyway, so much for my long windedness.  (We had a blizzard of 50 mph winds & snow today!!!  must have had an effect on me!!!)  Please don't apologize for what you did or said then.  Hail for being a hedonist!!!  I don't think you will be going anywhere unfavorable for that!!!  Just because I got into TM doesn't mean I belong to a religious sect.  I have always been interested in the "folk values" and spiritual thought.  Working for a psyche hospital for kids, gives a whole other perspective on "good and bad and evil."  These kids don't need drugs to get messed up.  Sometimes their own chemistry does it to them.  Love is the only thing that really counts.  And so, are you going to write a book about Monte Capanno with Mark?  As we say in Butte-Irish, "see yous!"

November 30, 2000: Gordo!  Sure, I have been enjoying everything that has been put up!  Just hope nobody will be offended by some of what I said.  I am sure and confident that you will use your best judgement!!!  Frankly, I am amazed at how much I forgot!  Cathee sent me a copy of the "Monte Capanno 1970" video and I was having a hard time remembering all the faces!  I knew the aiplane brownies were reeeallllyyyy good!!!!!  But I sure didn't think it was going to wipe out so many memories.  How long was I "locked" away???  (This is a joke!)  I am so intrigued and have yet to cover all the sites and links as to what all you have put on there.  I am sending Cathee current photos of me at work and with my (now) 29 year old mare.  In the photo, she was 26 yrs.  Talking about photos...you are right!  I couldn't get to see yours.  Why not put it on the website?  Mark said you were in finals and so adieu for now!

December 2, 2000: Gordo!!!  I got your photo of your family!!!  Isn't it amazing, you and Linda still look like kids with just younger kids tagging along!!!  Thanks!  I love to see families! (here: Sandee's daughter Lauren and her cousin) I got Cathee's video as she told me you have also.  Gosh!  I forgot who a lot of the people are.  My Dave didn't recognize me as I was very heavy then (for me).  Cathee should receive all the things I sent to her in the mail this comming week.  Forgive the "primative drawing," but it is a mixture of Alphonse Mucha and a mind altering state following (I'm not sure) the wheat field incident.  Take a look at the video and the horizon we saw  from the farm house and add the wooden "picket" fense going into the olive orchard or is it grape orchard (?) along with a "reflection" from the pond.  I got more and more into textiles during my graduate focus, which brought out the Native Amer! ican past life influences.  I have been told that I am in  Montana to connect to that part of being Native American that I missed -  Native American spirit.  I have been here 6 years now and am just now  connecting to actual people and discussing Native American values and how  this connects all human spirits today.  We sorta messed up a beautiful  culture and they are trying to heal the wounds we (white people) inflicted upon them through our culture.  I am trying to look at their ways and  understand beyond the veneer, so to speak.  I am presented with a mirror each time and see our "white culture" reflected.  Our European thought patterns are so different.  I notice they operate on a different concept of time than  we do and that their "non-language" communication supercedes our verbal  connections.

... Anyway,  back to the photos.  Cathee said she has a way to scan them in and send them to you via e-mail.  Did you ever get to see the movie with Brad Pitt called "The Legend of Fall?"  That was taken in Montana and is a real close picture of Montana today - our clothes are different for the women, but the guys look  much the same!!! Football is real big here now though!!!

I have ridden into the back country where there are no trails and the horses went through the trees scraping the sides of my legs as we squeezed through.  My beaver hat kept the tree branches from taking off the top of my head and the leather gloves protected my hands from rein burn etc.  I thought I heard the low scream of a mountain lion and saw many fresh moose tracks. Also saw evidence of bear on the trees.  We were so deep in the wilderness that it was hard to tell directions and how to get back.  I brought a first aid kit, water and treats for the horses, but no hunting knife or hand gun.  When I started seeing evidence of wild animals that could attack us, I realized if something happened, we would be in real trouble without the knife and gun.  An incident did happen and I was able to get the horse out of the bog and no broken legs, but my girl friend was hurt bad.  She went into shock and I found our way back by the sun and kept talking to her to keep her awake.  If we had to spend the night in the wilderness, I would have wanted more serious survival tools and didn't have them.  We do have coyote and bear and cats that given an opportunity would attack us or the horses if hungry enough.  I respect the wilderness and inherent natures of the wild animals.  I have not gone into the back country "alone" like this since.  My girl friend got gangrene in her leg and was not able to ride after that injury - no one's fault - we just mistook a bog for solid ground!  That's what it is like sometimes in the last best place!!!  Hope all goes well for you and finals!  I trust that you will put the "best of the best" on our website!  thanks and love to your family!!!

December 5, 2000: I support your ideas wholeheartedly!   Knowing Christine Klyce (God-mother to my eldest daughter), I believe she is one who can be contacted by mail.  I am not sure that she is online.  She did tell me that she contacted Krissie  Kagen a while back, but I don't remember what she said about where she is.  Deirdre Rainer last told me she was going to the Tetons in WY.  When she left, she gave me an antique table, which I still have waiting for her!!!   Amazing!  I would really like to visit with her.  We traveled to Greece together and found the island without men!!!   That is another story that I  will tell you later.  I am not very fond of AOL either - this is an aside - but did find a site on there that asked if someone wanted to find a college  classmate.  I have no idea how to do this, but I believe it should be possible. My mom searches all kinds of records about people for geneological purposes.  Does Mark know how to do this?  I still beleive that Deirdre may be one of those people that is so into nature that the computer is foreign.  I may be wrong, but I think that is why we haven't found a few of them.  Jan Hammond is one whose connection would be great to find too.  by the way, I love hearing about how, where, and what people are doing today.  I love hearing about our kids and what they are doing.  Don't you find it interesting that we came away living close to the country back woods areas like we did in Monte Capanno?  Like you I "watch" the hunters do what they  do.  Montana is full of them.  But then it serves a balance of life here that  I was not aware of as a "peacenic."  In Native American ways, they only used what they needed.  In doing this, they kept the "over-population" of animals in check.  It doesn't seem that a deer would be out-of-check, but when allowed to over populate, they are a real menace and destroy lots and lots of  trees etc.  We have seen it out here in the wilderness with the moose.  they  use Dave's beaver pond as a breeding ground and come back every year until they have a spat and run the older bucks and females off.  They have torn the bark off the aspen way up high.  Can't put chicken wire up that high to protect the trees.  Some day, these trees will die because of this.  Watching nature in action is sometimes mystifying.  I have been with Dave for nearly 8 years and he is a hunter-gatherer type.  I still watch and let him be the one he wants to be.  One hunting trip, the cow elk just flew right over him in one jump!  He was so shocked at that and couldn't stop laughing.  He didn't bring her home that winter either!    So, now I understand this as a male bonding thing and left over from those hunter-gatherer days long ago.  In this community,  the men all leave in late September/October and return somewhere in November for the holidays!!!   The women get lots done while they are gone!  This system works so well that everyone is happy!  Can you imagine?  (I have tongue in cheek now!)  I gotta get ready for work...   see yous!

December 7, 2000: Gordo - MC70 has sparked a lot of interest in our homefront.  I will refer to my best friend, Dave, as the nick name given to him by Butte when he came here 7 years ago - as "Duster" so as to differentiate him from Zack.  Anyway,  Duster keeps buggin me to include the animal stories about the moose and elk that lay in our backyard, or about the time that my daughter got off the school bus with her walkman in her ears while walking the down the single lane dirt road home when she ran into the mama moose and calf 10 feet away!  I think he and Craig would have lots to talk about too.

Oh, by the way, Krissie Kagen went to Greece before I did with another group of MC70 members.  Deirdre Rainer and I decided it sounded so good, that we finally left later and buddied up with two other fellas on the boat going over there and were convinced to get off at the first stop on the island of Ithaca or "Ithaci" - the Greek island known in the myths as the island without men.  The gentleman who invited us to stay there was returning to visit his mother, aunts, sisters and grandparents.  He gave us the brief history about the Greeks fighting the wars in ancient days and the men had to leave the island to protect their families.  So,the women stayed behind with the children and the older men.  From what he told us, this had not changed.  We were fascinated and took him up on getting off the boat there and stay for the week until the boat came again.  The whole town greeted us at the pier with baskets of food and high pitched sounds of greetings and hugs galour.  Two fellas from America latched onto the idea of coming with Deirdre and me.  We were glad because we didn't quite know what we were getting into.  A procession of the whole town led us down the road into the town on foot.  The women would smile at us and shake their heads back and forth wiggling the cherries that hung over their ears like earrings.  I couldn't believe I was there - it was like I was in a movie - was this real?   The four of us Americans were given a house to live in for the time we were there.  It was painted white inside and out - all plaster (at least that is what it looked like).  No electricity, no running water, no commode, no heat.  I don't even remember if there were beds.  The seats were molded out of the walls and I think so were the sleeping areas.  With backpacks in hand, we had everything that we needed.  After a week, I had this strong urge to leave with the next boat and get back to Perugia to meet up with Cathee.  I wasn't too good at speaking the languages and got on the boat that went to Italy.  I got off in Yugoslavia and hitched by myself (no fear) up through the mountains to the next city to take the boat to Italy nearest Florence and then onto Perugia.  While in Yugoslavia, I was picked up by an older man in full white beard with long hair.  He was the lumberjack type and reminded me of the grandfather in Heidi.  Not a word was spoken, but somehow he took me to where I needed to go.  I did not socialize in Yugoslavia much.  Traveling alone as an American female was risky at best.  I just put my blinders up and kept on trekking toward the goal.  I was shocked when the Yugoslavia that I had traveled in was the subject of such controvers! y and wars.  I remembered it like the movie "Heidi" because of the old man who took me to my next stop.  I'm not sure how I made it through there by myself!  I think the bon-fire dance and other incidences took place while I was gone because I vaguely remember hearing about it.  I do remember I had arrived and took part in the wheat field run.  Some of the video Cathee took seemed as if it were filmed after that wheat  field incident.  Just so you know, Cathee has always been the "historian,"   "record the moment," "prosperity" type.  I liked observing, being in the moment, and "here today - gone tomorrow" type.  Yin-yang and Zen sort of thing appealed to me.  So, it amazes me how the movie camera got there!!!  Didn't we all gather together after we got back to the states and this film was developed and we all sat around watching it?

Oh yeah,  I didn't become a member of the Auszwitsch club until I got a divorce!   Now I'm joining the female elders club and don't have as many sharp edges anymore!  Under this tent, I have to bend over a lot and that's where everything falls out the top of my head and I don't remember things like I used to.   Duster claims this is how I always was and has nothing to do with me being a fake blonde!   You know, if we all got on a conference call, we'd be on there forever!!!  I wouldn't be able to stop laughing for the sheer joy of actually hearing the funny things we did.

I do gotta go to sleep now - work comes awful fast!

December 11, 2000: Gordo!!!  Cathee got my packet of artwork and photos to put up on the site.  Artwork is from Perugia and the photos are current from the last few years here in Montana.  I'm a fake blonde now so don't fall over, something might spill out!  (a blonde joke!)  Duster keeps telling me that the college alumni is the place to search for past students.  Sounds like this is being done.  Christine Klyce is just not a cyberspace gal.  She has devoted her life  mostly to spirituality and personal-spiritual growth.  She is one of the most beautiful people inside her heart and soul.  I am sure she has not connected to the website and contributed because her focus in life is elsewhere.  If she found the connection, she would contribute.  I am going to send this now- we are having a blizzard.

December 14, 2000: Gordo - Thanks for the corrections!!!  I agree that AOL sucks !!!!    Found out that BlueLight had too many "freebies" log onto their free internet and will be discontunuing this service in Jan 2001.  so says Duster, "don't go there."  I am fixing a few things that have gone bad on my PC and this has delayed my search for other free sights.  (I am limited income)  ... I worked for medical malpractice attorneys and later tried a stab at being a legal secretary for defense attorneys before I finished my two year certification.  I find that I am better suited [to work] where I can get up and do the shoulder to shoulder thing and not be married to a computer monitor.

Okay, you may post what I wrote you about the "political stuff".  I remembered some pieces to that story which my military dad was upset with any connection to:  It wasthe SDS party (subversive communist party I later found out over the internet)  and a Mr. Koepke (sp?) that was the head of it.  Mark Fissel might remember more details.  Mr. Koepke was being watched by the CIA or FBI while we were living in the 11th street house!!!  Interesting huh?

more later.  remember the song by the Beatles:  "Today is my birthday - yada, yada, yada..."?  I have a doctor's appointment and then I am celebrating being an elder for the second year (52 yrs)!!!  see yous!


 
 
 


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